Back. Or kinda not.. Maybe. Hell.

So perhaps we are back in the same place as we always have been.

Or maybe I just needed that break. I left a lot of websites since the last post in February. I had my reasons. I was lead on to believe things were better fine. I fell in love for an idiot. But now.. its a tad confusing.

Try hiding an ED when you're pregnant. It's pure hell. Water loading. Counting counting counting. I have to hit a certain goal just to stay at a current weight. Its selfish. I can't stop yet.. I've tried. If you know a tad about my history, I was able to stop during my first pregnancy near completely. Then, once I realized that the weight gain was not budging, I had an epiphany freaked out. Starved. Did the full ABC diet. 

Yeah. Try that one for fun times. :D

But, really now. I did it. I'm very proud of it. I can't say for sure how often this will be used. Or updated. Or available.

But the least that I can do is say that I'm going to be back on here for a while. Fuck. I've been on here and had an account from back in 2004. Really. I can't leave. ._.

Minor details no one gives a shit about. I'm adding a LOAD of blogs to follow on my personal page. I'm going to be jumping back into an undercover  hidden  sneaky  reformed  other version of my ED. One that's similar to Snow White when she inhales bites into that cursed apple. 

It is there, but dormant in a way. Active yet asleep.. on the surface.

It's funny. I'm only going to tell one person about this. I hope to god he can at least smile in knowing that I am becoming slowly more able to fully  partially open bit by bit to him.

I love him. Completely. I just hope that he is enough to free me from this hell one day. Or that I don't accidentally pull him down into it with me.